What is too old and what is too young and what is just right when it comes to dating somebody. Obviously, there isn’t one right answer but I can give you my honest insight. I recently started dating someone who is somewhat significantly older and it got me thinking about age. And when I say older, I mean this dude’s age goes beyond the rule infamous “Dating Equation.” The “Dating Equation,” refers to the rule of thumb where men are allowed to set their dating range to ages half of their own age added by seven and vice versa. I’m pretty sure it’s outdated but if you look at this fun graph below adapted from these two scientists, Kenrick & Keefe, it’ll basically summarize that women are constantly looking for older while dudes look for younger till the end of time…or till we find a fountain of youth.
This is obviously outdated and times have changed since then. Women are having fewer babies and are doing more yoga. I have seen older women who are more flexible than me in yoga classes! Just by observation, you can tell more women are working and choosing the lifestyle of financial independence and not relying on men for resources. To note, I’m only mentioning the traditional, heterosexual relationships because that is the one I have the most experience with. I promise I will get into sexuality later on.
Of course, there are many many ladies out there that are extorting money out of old, rich men. We all know it. They know it. Especially living in LA I have witnessed that this scenario isn’t even that taboo or out of the norm. “Sugardaddies,” and “Sugarbabies,” are quite normal in people’s vocab here. Naturally I grew curious and decided to see for myself. I went on “Seekingarrangements.com,” which I think is the most common online dating site for finding a “Sugardaddy.” With the intent of tickling my curiosity, I set up a profile page and decided to look around and maybe send some messages to men I felt were the least creepy. I kept my profile very concise and minimal and wrote that I was an adventurous student seeking a worldly, fun mentor. Lo’ and behold, the messages started streaming in. mostly guys 40+. All of them were unfortunately to my eye, unattractive physically. I don’t think I’m more shallow than the next guy but I think online dating makes everyone at face value pretty darn shallow. I would look at it here and there when I got bored just like when people swipe on Tinder only when they go on the toilet. At one point, I kept hearing the talk of “Sugardaddies,” all around and just like any good ol’ subliminal messaging it tipped me over to take some action on my curiosity. I decided to go on a date or two. The first guy I decided to meet looked young and somewhat attractive in his photos. He was a music producer who was seeking to have a girl meet him once to twice a week for hang outs. His profile also said he was under 40 which was a big plus for me. I decided to message him and he replied, “you’ll fit ;).” Hmm…I wasn’t quite sure what I would fit into but I went along with it and set up to meet. I couldn’t help but fantasize about a older guy like George Clooney who had a lavish place and would tend to my each and every desire. Hey, a girl can dream right? I wasn’t expecting anything or really hoping to like this guy. I just had some questions…unlike other girls who were out drinking with friends on a Friday night I was out on to get questions like a detective but sadly I’m just that strange.
That night, I met him at his place with nerves shooting up and down me the whole uber ride there. He lived in the ultimate bachelor pad, pool table and all. I told him I was nervous and had never done this which strangely brought up nostalgic feelings about the first time I did it. He told me that was better because he used this site just like Tinder. The night went pleasantly well and I actually connected with this guy. Long story short, I felt this newfound appreciation for older guys. I usually dated older by a couple of years or so but he was 10+ years older. I thought to myself, “hmm, I’m just that mature for my age,” and boosted my ego. It felt great! So, I perused that site again and decided to meet with another gentleman who said he was 41. He looked somewhat attractive in his photos so I decided why not. I met him at a beerhouse by the beach. To my dismay, he looked nothing like his pictures. Fuck. The number one fear of any cyberdater. But I didn’t let it faze me. We greeted and ordered some drinks. Exchanged small talk. He asked me if I would at least try once to fuck him to see if this could work because all the other girls he met seemed too much like an escort. And he would pay me. All of a sudden things became too real and I bounced out of there quickly as I could.
To all the T-bodies out there, be curious and try new things but there are boundaries and lines! I’m totally not judging anyone that does this but I knew this is where I drew the line..I haven’t been on a date through that site ever again because however curious, curiosity did kill that cat. Do have boundaries but do not let fear get in the way of things you want to try. Everything you can possibly truly enjoy might be on the other side of fear. This applies to any aspect of life.
I still see that first guy I met on that site and have really appreciated having an older guy in my life. I think when I was younger, dating significantly older guys were weird like when I was 19 and a 27 year old guy asked me out telling me J Lo and her beau were 8 years apart as well. It freaked me out and it bothered me that he was comparing himself to J Lo. But as I’m entering my mid-20s I realize it’s not that creepy and if you can accept the fact that Freud was definitely onto something that we can all expand our dating age gap.